Walking the fine line

This past Tuesday featured my appointment with the oncologist followed by my second chemotherapy treatment.  The good news from her is that the cancer markers in the blood are dropping and that The Lump is decreasing in size.  She mentioned that she might decide to proceed with all six chemo sessions before doing the surgery, but this will depend on the results of upcoming tests, especially the PET scan scheduled for the 18th which will be the first real evidence of how effectively the chemo is performing.
The second treatment allowed me to start building my own comparison of how I react: still no nausea or vomiting, no significant loss of appetite, but I do have to deal with twinges of pain in the abdomen and a loss of energy for about two to three days.  The word for the week is "flagada", a French slang word meaning "that which has lost all vigor", which is what it feels like for me. 
This presents me with a real challenge, since in general I'm a very busy little bee, always flitting about from one activity to the next.  I now have to admit that I'm sick, pay attention to what I need (am I hungry? do I need a nap?  a bit of exercise?), and learn to accept things as they come.  I'm beginning to understand why we refer to sick people as "patients", because this process requires a lot of patience which I'm learning to cultivate.  It's a real exercise, walking that fine line, to keep checking in on my own attitude, accepting that I am sick, and yet not fall into a mire of self-pity. I just keep reminding myself that this, too, shall pass.
The shock of losing my hair has evolved into exploring my new bald condition.  I treated myself to some new make-up this week since my eyes seem enormous, and some dangly earrings to go along with my new exotic, turban look.  When I go out in public, I do have the feeling that people are looking over my shoulder to see where I've parked my camel, but maybe that's only my imagination.  I've been working on a list of the advantages of being bald such as:  erradicates the concept of  "bad hair" day, economizes on shampoo and hairdresser's fees, allows me to get my head wet everytime I take a shower, doesn't waste electricity using my (newly-repaired!) hairdryer, etc.  Audience participation accepted on this, so post your comments below if you have some inspiration.
Yesterday, Mr. T and I went for a walk in the afternoon and it was a real treat.  For the first time in weeks, the temperature was above freezing and the smell of the damp grass in the fields was as sweet as flowers.  We cut across the fields and then into the woods beyond where we spooked up a few roe deer and a large hare who all bounded off into the brush.  How easy it was to walk along that trail at this time of year, free of brambles and undergrowth, with just a cushion of soft, brown leaves underfoot.
Looking out the window this morning, I can see the rain drifting down in sheets and hear the wind rustling through the trees.  The chickens look pitiful with their saggy feathers but don't seem unduly perturbed by the wet bravely going about their quest for goodies in the grass.  I'm just happy to be snug and warm inside my little nesty home with a full day ready to unfold  before me.  
Taking it easy is becoming a full-time job!